Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
