Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think i have two assholes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
