I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
