Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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