Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
