I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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