Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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