I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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