Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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