Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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