Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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