Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
