I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
