You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
