Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
