Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
