he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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