i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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