you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
