yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
