I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
