if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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