I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
