I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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