You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He did a backflip because drugs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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