my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
