Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
