get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A bitchslap is in order.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
