Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
