Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
