yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
