mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
