This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
