I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize