Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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