So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
