Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
