And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
