i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my poor anus
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize