i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
