I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
