Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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