I accidentally had phone sex last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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