3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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