What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
