Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
