based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
