So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
