You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Alive.
So much puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
