I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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