I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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