loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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