I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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