Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
