She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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