I feel like abortions should bother me more
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
