I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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