i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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