So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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