It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize