Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
