The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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