you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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