Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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