So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
