when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
