I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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