i think my tv is drunk
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
