Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
